Not jokes
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Top 10 Cos:
1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco
Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.