I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Not Jokes
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.
It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
