Not jokes

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

Why can’t an orphan use an iPhone?

Because the home button does not work.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

Why are skeletons not funny? Because they have no humor. 🤣

Top 10 Cos:

1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

What goes down but not up?

An emo.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.