I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
Not Jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
How to not exist: Kys.
Why'd the girl fall off the swing?
'Cause she had no arms.
Knock, knock!! Who's there?
Not the girl.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
This text does not contain a joke.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
