Not jokes
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?
because it was rated RRRRGGGG.
I am guessing you don't understand :(
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Why can’t an orphan use an iPhone?
Because the home button does not work.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.