Not jokes
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
I'm not a robot, but orphans are.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Not 15, as my basement's still dark.
Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
I made a website for orphans; it does not have home pages, though.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.