Not jokes
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
Memes
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."
Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"
Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."
Orphan: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.