Not jokes

What does the "f" stand for in orphan?

Family.

Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...

How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?

Because of the Corona Virus.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

I know, it's an awful joke.

"Bippity Boppity, women are not property."

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?

It’s just a rental.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Why do pizzas not tell jokes?

They're too cheesy.

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?

Computers don’t really have a specific religion.

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."