Not jokes
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Memes
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
Gays are always welcome on my Redneck Party Bus. NOT!