Not jokes
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?
Not too sure. I just fly the drone.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.