Not jokes

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Yo mama is so ugly that not even the Socs wanted to jump her.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

Why don't rappers ever gamble?

Because they're always dropping beats, not bets.

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

I'm not completely useless....

I can be used as a bad example!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?

Not everyone gets it!

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War

Why drink water and not bleach?

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.