Not jokes
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
Memes
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
Why drink water and not bleach?
My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.
Pro lifers: End abortion!!!
Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
Your hairline is so back it's not even a hairline cuz you're bald. LOL
Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.
"What's the wifi password?"
"121i362"
"It's not working."
"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"
"The United Airline."
"We're in the World Trade Center, though."
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Nacho cheese.