Not jokes

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!

Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?

Because they already 69'd.

I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.

I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.

Why can't orphans be home schooled?

Because they have no parent to home school them.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.

Not a joke.

Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To eat Bob's arms.

Bob went to hospital and had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Bob.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Not to get home, that's for sure.

"What's the wifi password?"

"121i362"

"It's not working."

"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"

"The United Airline."

"We're in the World Trade Center, though."

What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?

Nacho cheese.

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.