Not jokes
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?
Because they already 69'd.
Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.