Not jokes
I made a website for orphans, but it did not have a home page.
Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."