Not jokes
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.
Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
I made a website for orphans, but it did not have a home page.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
What’s cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
What do you call a blind German? A not-see Nazi.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.