Not jokes
Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Umm, Tyrone did not get his chicken.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.