Not jokes

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Arik? (Not a joke.)

What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

What do you call a blind German?

A Nazi (not see).

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.

Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.

What’s cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces come in pears.