Not jokes

When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar!

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

It's not a joke.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Be smart, not stupid.

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.

Is there a racist jokes page here? I’m not racist, I just want to know.

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.

Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?

Because it's dead.

What’s Hitler’s favorite letter?

Not Z.

What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?

Not much difference.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.