Not jokes

Orphan

Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.

Dad

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

Helmet

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

Tour Guide

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Memes

Orphan

Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.

Meat

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Toy

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Orphan

What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?

Criminals are wanted.

Child

What do you call a genderless child?

It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.

Cloud

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

Life

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

Study

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

Impairment

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"