Not jokes
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
Memes
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.
No one:
Nothing:
Not a single f***ing soul:
Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?