Not jokes

Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,

You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫

Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?

Because he did not have one.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?

Mother's Day and Father's Day.

It's not a joke.

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re not wanted.

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

Why do orphans not use iPhones?

Because they don't have a home button.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.

Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?

Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.