Newness Jokes

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

Jeffy: I need a new butt, my old one has a crack in it.

Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?

The come with an Elon Musk.

me: im home ma heres her with a new dad her: go hang wit someone :me gets the noose goes to fav tree i love you ma 🙂

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

did u hear about the new german microwave? it has ten seats in it

What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?

New Yorkers

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree? Time to get a new Christmas tree 🎄

New horror movie idea.

The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "the exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

So I was f*****g this b***h right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What does a broken down vegetable say? I need new wheels.

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book...it's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

On 9/11 the new yorks lost to the jets

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What where your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it...we're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.