A father bought his depressed son a new house and then pointing at it he said "hang in there son".
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
your mama so fat when pennywise said "we all float down here" he saw her and suddenly new he was mistaken.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot”
Why can't sally swing? Because she has no arms Knock knock, "who's there?", not sally
*new* Where did sally go when the bombs dropped? Everywhere
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend he said " it's simple , she pushes all the right buttons "
Why did Michael Jackson rush to h&m?: they had new billie jeans
Why was it cold in Stephen hawkings house? - Because he had a new window open...
😂👌🏻
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to go check my garage, it’s all good bc I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: „Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight“
Mom👱🏻♀️: „Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?“
Dad👨🏻🦰: „Son, if you don't leave, it‘ll bang on your head!“
Why didn’t the orphan see the new movie?
It was spider man no way home
what did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
meooooow
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It Sucks.
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr Jones's lesson. Mr Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill"
so I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer. Now I don't know what they were laced with but I was trippin all day.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription? Other: Whats snoo? You: Not much how 'bout you?
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
