Newness Jokes

What’s the twin towers favored foot ball team

: New York Jets

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It’s called Enditol.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. It’s called Trycoxagain.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

what is al-qaeda's favorite football team? the new york jets

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger? "I guess orange is the new black"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years? "New year, no me"

A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost? Harlem, New York.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

Here Comes The Airplane!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn't fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.