Newness jokes
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.
This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
Why did Gwen go to the store? To have a new.
Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.
Like a work film, to take new in the center.
More good, Tar de Spring is the mill Murray Hurlowar Skelett Dwight Dowl - for its general help!
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.