Newness jokes

Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

Because they lost their towers.

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?

R. Kelly.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite football team? New York Jets!!!

Like a work film, to take new in the center.

More good, Tar de Spring is the mill Murray Hurlowar Skelett Dwight Dowl - for its general help!

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

Trump got a new jet.

He's probably already licked the windows.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?

There was a new texture pack.