Never jokes
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Slow and steady wins the race...
...but it will never fix your ugly face.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
Why are people that have bipolar disorder never on suicide watch?
Because they are always sucking dick.
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
They never reached home.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.