Never jokes
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
If you read this picture, go get some bleach/holy water.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
Never got a mother's love, lol.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
You never told me you were part orangutan. Have you considered taking a vacation to Planet of the Apes?
Why are grapes never alone?
Because they hang out in a bunch!
Why do pedophiles never win a race? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.