Never jokes
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Memes
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Slow and steady wins the race...
...but it will never fix your ugly face.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Looks like he never charged up fully.