Never jokes
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Why You should never poop on the floor in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have Windows. 🤢 🤣
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.