Never jokes

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Why You should never poop on the floor in an Apple Store?

Because they don't have Windows. 🤢 🤣

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.