DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. đ
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didnât have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didnât think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, âSo when will I die?â She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, âThe world needs my leadership!â Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, âI need to help make choices for our world,â so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, âtake the last parachute, I am too old and Iâm going to die soon one day.â The little boy says, âactually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.â