Need

Need jokes

Ideology

    • Is it far enough? We publish interviews with people who know a lot about real wars.

    Peace: On one case, that's true, but violence is the slogan for it.

    Socialism: Yes, morning and evening. So the Sorce Streftator's work must be stopped!

    Maoist: Yes, I like Walken Engspert.

    Anarchist: Claire, this is why we don't need democracy, I'm Das Zoe Melsen.

    Capitalism: Yes, but the truth is that he is ignorant and cannot be considered as an old leader, but as an employee.

    Governor: Yes, but a strong left should be as strong as Minister Janomen Vardan or Director Januso Gavrelic.

    Patriots: Are there simple megalithic laws?

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    • Astronaut

    • An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.

    He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.

    Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.

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    • Difference

    • What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?

    A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.

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    • Marriage

    • Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.

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    • Bathroom

    • Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

    "Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

    "Yes, Miss Drake."

    "Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

    "Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."

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    • India

    • What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

    You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

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    • Yale

    • "Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."

    "That was when I went to Yale."

    "A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"

    "Thanks! I really need this yob!"

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    • Recycling

    • When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

    Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

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    • Australia

    • Australia needs YOUR help!

    ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!

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    • Vinegar

    • His neighbor asked Hodja,

    "Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"

    "I have," answered Hodja.

    "Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.

    "No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"

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    • Man

    • What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

    The man says, "I have everything I need."

    The woman says, "I love everything I have."

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    • Nun

    • Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

    He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

    Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

    Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

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