Need Jokes


All you need is a Razor Blade in life.


I hope Stephen hawking was an organ donor cause I need some parts for my go cart

in Trump

Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?


Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.

in Fat

Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones

in Bird

What bird doesn’t need a comb

bald eagles

in Toilet Paper

Its embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down, lucky enough the super market is just round the corner.

Doge Coiln
in Orphan

Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know… i went for the cliffs

in Fat

At lwast if your fat you dont need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

michael jackson
in Woman

why is there no woman on the moon?

because it doesnt need to be cleaned

in Dark Humor

my family is like treasure, you need a shovel and a map to find them.

hot stuff

it’s not that i dont get the laugh but most of you need to read thru what’s already been posted cause everybody’s saying the same shit.

Stephen Hawking

Stephen Hawking is not dead he justs need to charge

in Feminist

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb? One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her. …just kidding-

  • none. They can’t change anything.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“

in Tornado

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurriCANE


My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.

in Orphan

Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet

in Depression

So there’s Fred and Frank, now they’ve been 2 friends for years, but Fred see he’s depressed. Badly. Either way, so F+F are texting each other and here’s how is goes: (this is my first joke, so please don’t judge to harshly)

Frank: Yo Fred: hi… Frank: u heard about de competition? Fred: yeah… Frank: You wanna hang out? Fred: … Frank: what? I’ve got some noose (news) for you Fred: … I( Frank: fine… I guess we need to think of a plan tho. We don’t wanna be hanging on the end. Fred: sigh you know…you really can’t rope me into this competition.

in Orphan

What do orphans need in order to mail letters? Food stamps