Need jokes

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

My family is like a treasure.

You need a map and shovel to find them.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Why did God make pigs before politicians?

He just needed some practice.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Tina, we neeeeeeed to talk, please!

-Alya

Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

They need a parent's signature.

What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.

Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?

In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES.

There lived a jackal in a forest. He did not get the day's food, so he was very hungry and wandered throughout the forest, but could not find any food. Finally, he decided to go to the city. As he was walking into the city, he heard some dogs bark. Soon, he found a group of dogs running towards him, so he rushed into a nearby house which belonged to a dyer and fell into a tub filled with blue dye. The dogs that were chasing him returned back as they could not find him. The jackal came out blue from the tub and went into the forest. Every animal in the forest was frightened to see a new animal. The jackal realized that all animals were afraid of him and took advantage of the situation. He called the animals towards him. The jackal said, "Oh my dear friends, I have been sent by gods in heaven to protect you all. I will be the king of this jungle." All the animals became very happy. Everyday they served him food and took care of all his needs. They came to him with all their problems and listened to what their king said. One day as the king jackal was sitting by the court, he heard a pack of jackals howling in the forest. For a long time, he had not heard these voices. He felt very happy, forgetting he was the king, he howled back immediately. All the animals knew who he really was and started chasing him in anger, but the jackal was already on the run.

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Who needs sex when they have Valorant?