Need Jokes

What did the dick said to the ass hole?

You need another dick

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

You got a dig bick.

You that read wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you that read wrong as well.

You just went and back checked.

You reread of all that.

You have a pet wussy.

You that read wrong...

You need mental help.

So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu.. off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work

Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, But bigger ones need a crane.

YOOO Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

Girlfriend:I just lost 5 pounds! Me:How many makeup wipes did you need?

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

What do you tell your butt check when you need to use the bathroom hold it in so you want get constipated and die.

'i told my black friend a joke'' told him he needs to lighten up!!!

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times 😏

Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.

Little johnnys teacher asks him "Johnny ,do you pray before you eat?" little johnny says "I dont need to, my mum makes good food.

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

What do need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record

Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.