Name jokes
My name is Jeff.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"