How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
Why are pirates named pirates?
Cuz they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Name: Jack call sign "triple" School: Nova corps gun academy location: Wyoming mountains
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Roses are red lilacs are purple I have a turtle his name is squirtle
why did hellen kellers dog run away im shure you whould run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama? A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark
Hey, pass me that crow bar please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home
(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
