Nail jokes

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday? Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?

The look they give you while you’re nailing them.

Did Jesus cut his nails?

No! His nails cut through him.

Big butt

Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.

Jesus is a rock music fan.

Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?

"Feet! Feet!"

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Cardi B has very long nails.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.