Nail jokes
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
Memes
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Cardi B has very long nails.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)