Nail

Nail jokes

Gun

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

Tool

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

Poster

I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)

Memes

Jesus

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

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  • Frog

    Why did the little boy cry?

    He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

    Boner

    What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

    ... A boner.

    Jesus

    Did Jesus die a virgin?

    Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

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  • Child

    Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

    Carpenter

    Why are carpenters never horny after work?

    Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

    Jesus

    What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

    It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

    Lesbian

    Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

    He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

    Nun

    What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

    One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

    Dad

    This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

    (Do you get the joke?)

    (Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)