Nail jokes
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Cardi B has very long nails.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.