Nail jokes

What happened when a hammer punished the nail?

He hit him.

What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?

Screw you!

Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.

What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.

Why did the little boy cry? He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?

When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.

When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.

Oof.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

What is going on here?

Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!