My jokes

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.

Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

I can see my future in your forehead.