My jokes
I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
I fell in love with my teacher.
Which is weird because I am home schooled.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
My wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."