My jokes

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.

Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.