My jokes
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
I slit my wrists.
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
Would you like to win 100k?
Comment on my next video for a chance to win!
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.
Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.
Suck my ass, guys!
I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."