My jokes

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut for me.

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.

You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.