My jokes
You: I want my mama.
Me: Soz, you can't even get one.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
Can I put my baaaalls in yo jaaaaws?
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.
oOO laLA!
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.
I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.