I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later
Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.
Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her 5$ to go play a game but she tugged my joy stick to hard
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where's the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it's running down my legs
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’
What's the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
I'll never forget my sister's last word. "Is it edible?"
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
What Would you find on a haunted beach?
A Sand-witch!
"Hey guys I'm a new Jokester, remeber my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.s. They will be much better than this one!"
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Cuz she clearly has no taste." She responded.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
Girl: Come Over. Orphan: I can't. Girl: My parents aren't home ;) Orphan: Just two things I don't have.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing
