My jokes

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

I always enjoy family reunions.

It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.

Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.