My jokes

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.