My Jokes

My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked If I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt and he disappeared. Shame on you Penaldo.

My son asked me how i'm so clean,"inside out.". I told him because of bleach. the next day I found him drinking the bleach.

i got jealous of the zebras, sorry i’ll cut it out, i wanted to practice for my med school test

i will always remember my grandfathers last words "ill just check if its poisonous".

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. Its kinda creepy.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I've been hit by several things in my life. Sadly, never a car.

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don't know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID doesn't recognize me

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

My friend and I were joking about a wheelchair kid and another kid came up and said to the wheel chair kid you should stand up for your self

so I and my friend were talking this time, I asked them what they would do if they ever met rengoku they said that they would probably like shake his hand or sm but I said I would lick his forehead. wtf