My jokes

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

My friend has ligma...

Lick ma balls!

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

Girl: Hi (flirt)

Boy: Hi? (reluctant)

Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).

Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

What do you call nuts on a chin?

My penis in your mouth.

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.

Yo hairline is a distraction to my education.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.

Uranus has a lot of poop. Yeah. That is my joke.

My penis is longer than one inch.

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.