My Jokes

What is my favorite color? Yellow.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

☕️

A Google search bar shows the query "Should I kill someone, or have a cup of tea?" The "Did you mean" suggestion is "Should I kill someone, and have a cup of tea?" Below this is the text "Ah, yes, my mistake. Thank you." and an image of a person sipping tea next to a British flag.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

I used to think all Americans were racist.

Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?