My jokes

My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.

Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"

What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

What's the difference between me and you?

I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!

Want to hear a joke? My life.

I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.

Then it hit me.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

My dad left me.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)