My jokes

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

Prince, please talk to me for real...

Let's sort this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, please answer me. I need an answer!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, Princess, my name is Gwen, and I am not a faker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?

Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

I remember my grandfather's last words:

"Are you holding the ladder?"

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

What is your name in my phone?

I love your house. I have been in your art for.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

No one has my back like my dad.

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

What did the substrate say to the active site?

"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."