My Jokes

My mom

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

Two memes in one

The image is a four-panel meme. The top-left panel shows a conversation between an interviewer and the person being interviewed, where the person gets hired by just saying "hired". Below it, there's a cartoon character that reacts cheerfully. The top-right panel shows Mr. Bean with his eyes wide open, and the bottom-right panel shows Mr. Bean lying down sleeping. The text says "Me in post-lunch meetings in office" and "Me in post-lunch meetings while WFH", respectively.

Daveon is my blud, cuh.

I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

You know what I told my little brother plane?

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

When people ask my age, this is what I do.

“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.