My jokes
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!
My username good.
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
My penis.
Who wants to be my boyfriend?
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex?
A roTHOT.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.