My jokes

My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

I didn’t realize I had to put jokes into categories, my bad.

Unleash the jokers...👍

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!

Can you be my daddy? 🍌😘😉

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.