My jokes

Daveon is my blud, cuh.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

My grandpa was the goat, he killed Hitler! 🥳🥳🥳

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.

Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.

My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"