My jokes

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

That’s right, I have my own category😎

Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?

My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

For my birthday on Sept. 11 this year, I just want a plane chocolate cake.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.