My jokes

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Orphan: Where are my parents?

God: New York City.

Orphan: But they used to live in China.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

It's so cold, I mist bring my jacket.

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?

My Chemical Romance.

The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."

Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance.