My jokes

My acquaintance, William.

Roses are red, violets are blue, My heart is dead, I’m such a fool.

I love my family.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

I love my new phone.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."