My jokes

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

MY NAME IS JEFFFFFFFF!

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...

"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)