My jokes

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

Stop making jokes about 9/11. My dad died in 9/11.

Best pilot of Southern Arabia

Allahu Akbar.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.