My jokes

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...

"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

Stop making jokes about 9/11. My dad died in 9/11.

Best pilot of Southern Arabia

Allahu Akbar.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.