My jokes

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.

I love my new phone.

I love my family.

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Roses are red, violets are blue, My heart is dead, I’m such a fool.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”