My jokes

How many babies does it take to light up a basement? I don't know, my basement is still dark.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Calculate my dick, virgins!

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.

Once I got out of bed, my butt hurt afterward.

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."