My jokes

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.

I have a Twin Towers model in my room.

It got infested with jumping spiders.

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.

Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.