My jokes

Ex

    • My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

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    • Doctor

    • I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

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    • Hairline

    • Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

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    • My memes

    Song

    • I'm going to do a song that's called "Falling" by Trevor Daniel... so here it goes.

    My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up Now you the one that I'm calling Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything I'll never give my all again 'Cause I'm sick of falling down When I open up and give my trust They find a way to break it down Tear me up inside, and you break me down.

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    • Star

    • So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

    Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

    Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

    Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

    Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

    Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

    Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

    NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

  • 1

    • Hooker

    • I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

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    • Pistol

    • Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

    You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

    Nun

    • What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

    One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

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    • Grammar

    • Someone at school judged my grammar.

    I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

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    • Airline

    • It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

    "What are my choices?" he asked.

    "Yes or No," she replied.

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    • Stepfather

    • My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."