My jokes

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

9/11 is like me after I'm finished with my Lego house. I destroy it! 😄🤣

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

The legs are soft and delicious.

How much can you earn in Selkan Toko Na Sinsel? Njpopularnijssa bronia jost. My grandma was already eto nasaba of the other sachan without me. Then you will be satisfied.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

I lick cows for my mother.