My jokes

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Ur mom.

Oops my bad! 😬

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

Because they don’t deserve rights!

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔

Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.