My jokes

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

"Hey, today was great!"

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car!"

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.

Daddy, where's my anus?

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

Friend: Ok?

Me: I'mma hit puberty!

*hits my friend*

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.