My jokes
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
Ur mom.
Oops my bad! 😬
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
You are the special
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
I saw my sister sucking a big toe.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
My bum hurts.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.