My Jokes

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password.

Me: Sorry mate, it's so short, get a longer one! 🤣

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.

Welcome for the rhyme.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer doesn't leave.

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.