My jokes

My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

What is blue and wiggling on my floor?

A baby in a bag.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

She’s so therapeutic.

When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!