My jokes
Who wants to buy my new NFT?
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.
"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."
Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.