My jokes

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

Who wants to buy my new NFT?

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔

Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!