My jokes
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.