My jokes

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.