My jokes

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?

“My Mommy Comes Back”

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.