My jokes

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

I wish I was dead like my jokes.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Are you the Twin Towers? Because you made my heart explode.

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?