My jokes
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
My bum hurts.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
I saw my sister sucking a big toe.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.