Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
My Jokes
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
Ur mom.
Oops my bad! 😬
This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.
Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."
Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
My bum hurts.
